Top 5 Reasons the Prequels Suck

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We love Star Wars.

The amazing story of Luke and the rebel forces is more than enough to satisfy all of our Star Wars film needs. If we wanted more, we had the books. We had toys, we had movies, we had the Christmas Special to ignore; life was good. We even had Muppet Star Wars.

But then someone at the Ranch thought, “Hey, if we make more Star Wars movies, we’ll make more money!” and the whole damn thing came spiraling down. With so many great books and comics to draw upon for inspiration, this should have been an easy task, but somewhere it failed during execution. While there are plenty of reasons the movies were…less than ideal, shall we say, here are the top 5 reasons the prequels sucked.

Reason 5 – Midi-chlorians

What? What the hell is a midi-chlorian? Well, let’s see what George has to say:

“Midi-chlorians are a loose depiction of mitochondria, which are necessary components for cells to divide.”

Thanks for clearing that up.

It seems George decided that because Star Wars is science fiction, the force needed a scientific reason behind it. Hey George, you were wrong. The Force was an effective plot device specifically because it brought mysticism to a world that was pure science. As any magician knows, once you explain how the trick works, the magic is gone. “May the Midi-chlorians be with you.” Doesn’t quite roll off the tongue, does it?

Oh, and does anyone say “May the Force be with you,” in the prequels? I didn’t hear it.

Reason 4 – The Plot

Wow, this is a subject that could be explored all day. Basically, the problem is this: The original movies had a very simple plot. The rebel forces are overthrowing the evil empire, and some kid from a backwater planet accidentally becomes the great hero of the rebellion. Easy to follow, and still plenty entertaining.

The prequels? Not so much. Watching any of those movies is like watching C-Span coverage of a Senate debate cut with 10 minute scenes of lightsaber fights. I still have no idea what’s going on half the time in those movies. I know the plot for Star Wars had a big political background, but it was in the background. Where it should have stayed.

Reason 3 – The Realism is Gone

In the originals, the worlds and settings of the movies looked real. Part of that is because they actually were real, but part of it is the attention to detail. Everything in the first three movies looked like it had existed prior to the movies. The Millenium Falcon is a heap and looks like it’s three more hyper-space jumps from permanent retirement in a Detroit junkyard. Yoda’s home is messier than the swamp it’s located in. The cantina looks like a dusty bar in Nevada somewhere.

But apparently before the Empire took over, everyone was a clean freak and washed and waxed their starships every week. There is nothing realistic about it. Everything is so…pretty. It’s not how things are in real life, and for movies that are prequels to ones that got it right the first time, it’s a bit disappointing.

Reason 2 – Forced Re-Edits of the Originals

Once the prequels were done, George felt that to maintain continuity throughout the series, he would go back in and re-edit the originals. Yet again.

Why, George? Why? Why couldn’t you just leave the originals be?

He put the actors from the prequels into the original trilogy. Now at the end of The Return of the Jedi, we don’t see a jovial Sebastian Shaw relaxing with Yoda and Obi Wan, we see Hayden Christensen.
Was he even born when the originals were made? I’m no closet fan of Sebastian Shaw, but it’s his face that I think of when I picture an unmasked Darth Vader. Hayden Christensen is not Darth Vader. And for me, he never will be. Many other prequel actors were inserted into the originals as well.

Of course, the insertion of a Gungan (celebration scene, at the end of Jedi) that is most idiotic leads me to…

Reason 1 – Jar-Jar F-ing Binks

Jar Jar Binks - The Godfather reference

Yeah, you knew this was coming. Is there really anything I need to say past “Meeza”? I don’t think so.

The best scene with Jar-Jar was in Robot Chicken when Vader throws him out an airlock.

And there you have it, folks. Those are our top five reasons the prequels suck. Is it any wonder we made The People vs. George Lucas? Somebody needs to be held accountable for this travesty.

Why do YOU think they suck? Or do you?

Do You Really Like Star Wars? Introducing The PVGL Fan Video Contest

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Hey, do you like Star Wars?

Of course you do, that’s why you’re here. You either love it, or you did love it until the prequels, anyway. They pretty much blow. And, as luck would have it, they’ve been the target of much fan mockery. Maybe even you’ve parodied the prequels, yourself.

Well, if you have, we want to know!

Let’s see it!

That’s right, we want to hear from you! If you’ve made a fan video that makes fun of the prequels, we want to see it. If we like it, we’ll feature it right here on the blog, and share it with Star Wars fans around the world. This is YOUR chance to show us how you feel about George Lucas’ attempts to continuously profit from our childhood love of Star Wars.

But there are some rules, naturally.

  1. First: It has to be your video. Don’t just send us some clip you found online. We want to feature YOUR work, so we can give credit where it’s due.
  2. Second: You can either post your video to our Fan page on Facebook, send a Youtube or Vimeo link to us at pvglextra[at]gmail.com or reply to our twitter account
  3. Third: Make sure it’s about the prequels. This isn’t The People vs. A New Hope. A New Hope may be one of the greatest science fiction films ever made, and is not to be subject to mockery. Even we have our limits. Unless it’s really good. Then we may reconsider.
  4. Fourth: If you want us to feature your film, make sure it’s good. And by good, it needs to be entertaining. Don’t send us a 10 minute rant about how “George Lucas is a sellout”. We debate that in the film already. We want prequel parodies. Fan vids that make fun of the prequels and are humorous and entertaining.

And that’s about it. Once we have a few submissions, we’ll be putting them up regularly each month. Once we’ve featured several, we’ll let the fans vote for the best one.

So keep checking back; you never know whose video will be up here next!

Amsterdam: Imagine Film Festival

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We are happy to have our Amsterdam premiere take place as part of Imagine: 27th Amsterdam Fantastic Film Festival. The festival takes place from April 13-23, and there will be three chances to see the film: Sunday April 17th at 9:50pm, Monday April 18th at 6pm and Friday April 22nd at 3:50pm. Be sure to go to the festival’s official site for more information and to purchase tickets.

Exciting News About People Vs George Lucas in the US

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Hey everyone! There are some great things happening! I know we haven’t updated the blog in a while, but your patience is about to be rewarded: The movie’s distribution has been kicked into high gear, and there are a whole slew of new cities and towns where it will be showing.

And to make sure everyone out there has the latest news about the release of The People Vs. George Lucas, we’re going to start interacting with fans a lot more!

The Fans Keep the Dream Alive

Fans are important. What makes Star Wars thrive is its community. Our dedication and willingness to spend money en masse every time a new Star Wars product is released is what made a 70’s science fiction saga blossom into the juggernaut that we now know and love.

We know we have a responsibility to our fans, and by extension, Star Wars fans everywhere. So we are going to continue our mission of reaching out to the Star Wars community and making sure they’re heard. We started with The People Vs. George Lucas, and now we’re reaching out online.

The most notable change will be the blog. We’re going to start updating it at least twice a week with different Star Wars debates. We’re also going to be reviewing fan made and public videos based on Star Wars. And each week we’ll feature a video chosen by you, the fans. So if you have a Star Wars video you want us to feature, fill us in.

Let’s Get Social

We’re going to start being a lot more active on Twitter and Facebook, updating and, more importantly, responding, every day. We’ll be talking with fans and we encourage you to talk back. We’ll also be holding contests and giving away prizes in the cities where the film is showing.

All in all, there are a lot of new things happening, and we’re really excited about it all!

How about you? Excited about the new US screening dates?