Top 5 Reasons Why Being A Stormtrooper Blows (Literally)

Are you fresh out of school and looking for an illustrious career path? Want to see unknown galaxies, meet new species and blow their planet up? Think serving in the Imperial militia is just the ticket to fame, fortune and hot green chicks with tentacles instead of hair? Do you want to be a Stormtrooper!?

Paper Troopers

Maybe you should think again…

Being a Stormtrooper may sound like a great idea, but in reality, there is no worse career path available. Why, you ask? Let’s take a look!

1) Your Training Will Be Subpar

Clearly, no one’s teaching these guys how to hold a weapon or aim, because unless you were one of the handful of crack shots that helped Lord Vader take Princess Leia’s ship, you will never hurt anything but walls. You might get a few glancing shots off a droid here and there, but every time you pull your blaster out, you better be ready for disappointment. Nothing is going to fall before you except over-sized teddy bears. Which brings us to point number two…

2) Your Army? Not So Powerful

Yeah, you’ll get awesome, cool weapons like blasters and AT-ATs, but in the end, it’s all useless without proper training. Your whole army is gonna get their asses handed to them by Ewoks. Ewoks, the cute, cuddly looking rejects from the Teddy Ruxspin factory. Almost as embarrassing as Oompa-Loompas bringing down the British Empire.

3) The Armor

Clearly, the Stormtrooper armor is useless. Primitive, flint-tipped spears go through it like a hot knife through warm butter. It’s not like the Empire doesn’t have any money. They built two Death Stars! But none of that money is being spent on the little guy doing the grunt work. Where do they get this stuff, Ord Mantell?

4) Your Death

Your death will suck. You will fall victim to giant tentacle desert monsters where the aforementioned third-rate armor won’t protect you much from being digested over the next two-thousand years.. Yay. You will also be mowed down en masse by guys in robes with really sharp flashlights. So much for a noble death.
Oh, and did I mention the teddy bears?

5) Your Boss

That’s right, your boss. He’s a seven foot tall asthmatic cyborg who lives in a black Easter egg. He makes you call him “Lord” and he’s a control freak in need of anger management. Do they not have Prozac on the Death Star?

He’s also one of only three to five people (depending on the movie) who believes in some mystic religion that lets him choke people without touching them. Great. If you’re ever late to work, your cult leader can drag you out of bed with his mind. Actually, he’s such a temperamental perfectionist, he’ll probably just choke you out for being late.

Oh, and his armor is WAAAAY cooler than yours. Because it works!

There are five reasons being a Stormtrooper blows. If you thought being a Stromtrooper sounded like the better career move, try something less dangerous. Like being Dick Cheney’s hunting guide.

Can you think of any other reasons? Or maybe why being a Stormtrooper ISN’T such a bad idea?

Tell us in the comments, or even better, shout it out on our Facebook page!

About The Oh-So-Awaited Star Wars Blu-Ray Edition….

As you all are probably aware, George Lucas plans to release all three of the good Star Wars movies and the prequels on Blu-ray in September. Taking a page from LotR, the Star Wars Saga collection also contains three discs full of over 30 hours of bonus materials and never before seen footage. This sounds great, right? Well, not so much.

Blu-Ray? Stop motion is cooler!

While it will undoubtedly look fantastic on Blu-ray, good ol’ Uncle George yet again leaves his most devoted long term fans in the cold. Is it going to have a remastered un-edited version of the original trilogy? Hell no.

No, we are yet again forced to buy George’s “visionary masterpiece” that pretty much does nothing except aggravate people who know how the movie is supposed to be. WTF? I already have this version! I bought it when they released the unedited version with it in 2008. A version which is possibly of worse quality than my VHS tapes.

On Amazon, there is a little war being waged in the reviews section, and it’s pretty clearly divided between 1 star and 5. The people giving it 5 stars can’t see what the problem is. So this next part is mainly for them.

The Problem

Here’s the issue. The people who want the unedited version remastered are the vanguard. We are the ones who came first. We are the ones who bought all of George’s toys, and models, and lunchboxes and now spend small fortunes for limited edition Millenium Falcon “Extraordinaire” promos from Toys “R”Us. If not for the original fans, Star Wars would not be here right now. We took Star Wars to heart and made it a part of us.

Then George Lucas came and changed what we loved so much. And it’s now not the same movie. No, you might not care if Han shot first or not, but that little detail speaks volumes about Han’s character. If he didn’t shoot first, then it was self-defense. But if he did, then it makes you realize that Han isn’t exactly a nice guy. He’s an outlaw. It shades his personality.

And that’s why it matters to us. If Leonardo Da Vinci came back to life and said “Hey, the Mona Lisa’s smile wasn’t supposed to be so demure” and then he gave her a big grin, that wouldn’t be okay with most people. And that’s what George Lucas did. He gave the Mona Lisa a big dopey smile.

George Lucas is ignoring the very people who made Star Wars famous and kept the spark alive between RotJ and TPM. We are his most faithful and loyal devotees, and how does he reward our belief and trust in him?

By refusing to give us the movie we actually love.

A Simple Solution

Here’s an idea, George. Instead of 30 hours of garbage I’ve probably already seen, how about giving us the uncut trilogy. You had to have it remastered before you started messing with it. It’s sitting in a closet somewhere and you won’t let us have it? It’s 6 measly hours. You could fit them all on one Blu-ray disc!

I know it won’t happen. But I can hope. Maybe, just maybe, when he does the 3D versions, he’ll release the originals with them. I doubt it. But as long as we still remember the glory of the originals, they’ll never truly die.

28th Annual Ohio 24-Hour Science Fiction Film Marathon

The People Vs George Lucas is coming to the coolest Sci-Fi Marathon on the East Coast!
We’ll be part of The 28th Annual Ohio 24 Hour Science Fiction Marathon: Across the 28th Dimension! The marathon starts at noon on Saturday, May 21, 2011 at the Drexel Theatre!

More Info & Tickets

The Drexel Theater is located at:
2254-56 E. Main St.
Columbus, Ohio 43209
You can purchase tickets now
The Sci-Fi Marathon is an entire spin of our planet watching science fiction features, premieres, over-looked gems, vintage trash and classics, along with cartoons, shorts and previews of coming attractions from years gone by.

At the NUART Theater in LA on 5/13

Attention LOS ANGELES! We’re coming for you 😉

Starting this Friday the 13th (!), The People Vs George Lucas will be showing at the famous NUART Theater in Los Angeles.

With multiple showtimes, your weekend will certainly be much more exciting after a good healthy dose of Star Wars debate (or comedy, according to some people).

Call all of your friends to see People Vs George Lucas!

The Official Details

TPVGL opens at the NUART Theater on May 13th

Showtimes and Ticket info available HERE

Check out TPVGL In The Press

With our upcoming theatrical run in the United States, the press has written a lot of cool new articles about the film. It’s an honor to list them on the site.

3rd Party Validation

Because we’re obviously biased towards the awesomeness of our film, it’s good for you to check what other people have been saying about it.

Take a moment and check all of The People Vs George Lucas reviews

Weekend Film Series in Bermuda

The People Vs George Lucas is screening at The Bermuda Weekend Film Series, a joint production of Bermuda Docs and the Bermuda Underwater Exploration Institute (BUEI), on July 17.

Bermuda Docs tickets are $15 per film and available from April 15, available for sale at Click for more info about the Bermuda Docs Series

What I Like About the Prequels

Ok, I realize that you read the title, and you were probably thinking “WTF? You guys just wrote a post on why they suck, a review of reviews of how they suck, not to mention a MOVIE about how they suck! You can’t just like them all of a sudden!!!” Patience, young Jedi. There is no betrayal here. Continue to read, and perhaps when you finish, you’ll like the prequels a little more as well. Not to mention, making fun of the prequels is almost too easy, and I wanted a challenge.

1) John Williams

John Williams is like the Richard Wagner of our day. Personally, if every movie was scored by him and Danny Elfman, I wouldn’t argue. Hell, I might even watch 8 Mile then. His musical scores in the Original Trilogy were so perfect, that I would credit him for being a large part of why Star Wars is frequently referred to as a “space opera”, a title that certainly does it justice. Apparently, when George decided to make the prequels, he had at least one moment where he pulled his head out of his- err, the clouds and took that brief moment of fresh smelling lucidity to bring back John Williams. And John Williams, at least, was able to do his job right. The music in the prequels is a worthy successor to the original score.

You know, this kind of makes the prequels even more of an opera than the originals. Much like a real opera, the best part of the prequels is the music.

2) Natalie Portman

Natalie Portman isn’t really that great a reason, I know. She is a very talented (V for Vendetta) and natural actress (The Professional), and I really like looking at her in the snow bunny outfit. Is that reason enough to watch the prequels? Not even close. Thank god for still shots.

But, the prequels did make a lot of money, somehow, and other movie studios use that sort of thing to judge an actress’ appeal to movie audiences. So being in the prequels was a boon to her career, and this year alone I can think of at least two movies she’s in, Hesher and Black Swan. And to quote Ben Affleck, “You gotta do the safe picture. Then you can do the art picture.” Even as crap they pulled in a dollar amount that was just obscene, so the prequels were the safe film, and now she can go on to make movies I do like.

3) A New Appreciation

Watching the prequels gives me a new appreciation for the originals. This shouldn’t be taken as they were so bad it makes me love the originals more. Even though that’s true, too. No, the prequels make me see a few things in the original in a new light that does add depth.

The best example of this is the fight in A New Hope between Vader and Obi Wan. I knew intellectually that they had been friends back in the day, because Obi Wan tells Luke they were early in the movie. But I wasn’t thinking about that when I watched the scene; I was thinking that’s a cool little lightsaber duel.

Now when I watch A New Hope, I think about their relationship because I’ve seen it in the prequels. That makes their duel in A New Hope a much more powerful, and touching scene to me now, and it’s because of the prequels. We’ll ignore the fact that I am also now constantly reminded how they fight like geriatrics compared to the way they did in the prequels. And yes, they were older in A New Hope, but in the prequels old people were bouncing off the walls. Never mind, I’m supposed to be talking about why the prequels are GOOD. Next topic!

4) Return of the Franchise

Before the prequels, Star Wars had become more of a geek thing. Granted, it was a “geek-lite” if you will. If the extent of your “geekiness” was Star Wars in high school, girls would still date you, and the jocks wouldn’t shove you in a locker. Of course, as soon as you mention Doctor Who or Battlestar Galactica, they’d turn on you like a pack of rabid wolverines, but I digress.

But Star Wars had left mainstream culture. I still know a guy who has seen the prequels but not the originals. But my point is, the prequels brought Star Wars into the limelight again. There could be no KOTOR without TPM. And KOTOR is one of my favorite games ever. I have a LEGO Death Star that’s enormous. If not for the prequels, I wouldn’t. So many great things related to the originals came out only because the prequels re-sparked the public imagination. And that is a great thing.

You Like Them, Too

We love reading your comments, and I know many of you like the prequels a lot more than we do. Feel free to tell us why. Also, the next post is coming straight from the comments and I will be quoting some of you in it, so if you’ve commented on the blog before, make sure you don’t miss the next post.

Oh, and hey, make sure you hit us up on Facebook and Twitter. We love to talk to you guys on there, too. And we put some great stuff on those sites that doesn’t make it to the blog.

See you guys next time!

Okay, You Got It – The Red Letter Media Reviews Reviewed

Let’s start by being perfectly clear on one point: There are a LOT of fan made videos related to Star Wars online. There are probably more Star Wars videos on Youtube than cat videos. There are even Star Wars cat videos. Seriously. But after much thought, we decided to start with the Red Letter Media reviews of the prequels.

Here comes the Nasal Pepperoni

Maybe not a lot of thought. It was actually a pretty easy choice, because they are, without a doubt, some of the funniest videos on the internet, much less Star Wars related videos. I laughed so hard, pizza shot out of my nose. Do you know how hard you have to be laughing for a piece of pepperoni to come out of your nose?

A lot harder than with milk.

Before I descend into some sort of fanboy rave of Mr. Plinkett’s reviews, there are a few things worth mentioning. One, these reviews are not short. The first is close to 60 minutes, and the second and third are well over 90 minutes each. This is not a simple undertaking. Also, Mr. Plinkett is more than willing to use strong language, frequently, so those with sensitive ears may want to watch a Spongebob marathon instead. You have been warned.

redLetterMedia - Darth Maul

Prequels & Garbage Bags?

Now for the raving. These reviews are brilliant. Mr. Plinkett, the reviewer of the video, makes numerous, excellent points with a fantastic sense of humor. Humor based on both brilliantly sardonic observations, as well as some crazy random weirdness. The second review has a subplot (yeah, a review with a subplot!) that involves clips of some woman he has in his basement whom he eventually plans to drop off downtown in several garbage bags. Yes, it’s a little twisted. Yes, it seems completely off topic. But he does manage to somehow tie it into Star Wars, even if loosely.

Aside from the humor, which never stops, Mr. Plinkett also points out some details of the prequels that even diehard fans might miss. And the things he draws attention to are all valid points. He has an unerring knack for picking out every plot hole, of which I never realized there were so many and I bet you didn’t either. And though the reviews are almost comically long, every minute of them is necessary. Not once in the four hours I spent watching them all did I ever grow bored. In fact, I had initially only meant to watch one, but it was so good, I ended up watching them all in one sitting.

A Refreshing YoDa Lesson

His understanding of the things that make Star Wars work is amazing as well. For example, he explains very clearly why Yoda was misrepresented completely in the prequels, and how his diminutive shape in the originals was actually a lesson about the Force for both Luke and the viewers. I never thought about it the way he did, and I doubt that even George Lucas did, but his reasoning is perfect, and I immediately realized he was 100% correct.

After watching the reviews, I was almost tempted to start watching the prequels again. I just couldn’t believe that there were so many things even I missed. But as the Red Letter Media Star Wars reviews make perfectly clear, the prequels really, really, really suck. So I flipped on Empire and called it a night.

What do you think of Red Letter Media?

Dear George Lucas (An Open Letter)

Dear George Lucas,

Open Letter To George Lucas

First of all, allow me to tell you how much I appreciate everything you’ve done to advance the film industry. Your innovations in storytelling and the advancements in special effects your movies helped usher in have left an indelible mark on the industry as we know it. Not to mention the franchises that you created that left their mark on me; namely, Star Wars and Indiana Jones. Many a fond hour of both my youth and adulthood have been lost in the worlds those movies created.

I was thrilled when you re-released Star Wars in theaters in the 90’s. Less so when I saw the edits, but I still saw each one multiple times over. I was just thrilled to see Darth Vader on the big screen again. That easily negated badly rendered escapees from Jurassic Park being present in A New Hope.

When I first heard of The Phantom Menace, it was like all my dreams had come true. Finally, a Star Wars movie for MY generation. Pre-release photos of Darth Maul made me so excited, I almost lost bladder control.

And then the big day came. I waited in line for 12 hours to be the first to see it. Granted, I lived in a backwater town that had barely heard of Star Wars, and consequently, there was no line for 11 and three quarters of those hours, but it seemed appropriate at the time. And then the STAR WARS THEME began to play, and the intro text began to crawl, and the first official Star Wars movie in like 16 years was beginning!

I sat and I watched, and I said “WHAT THE F—?!”

I refused to see Attack of the Clones in theatres on moral grounds. Fool me once shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me and all that jazz. I eventually saw it on DVD and was glad my hard earned money went to other, more interesting pursuits. Like car insurance. You turned Yoda into a frog. Really, George? He was, what, 900 years old when he died? But a mere 20 years or so before his death, he was a super gymnastic, lighsaber wielding, ninja frog?

I was on vacation when the final travesty appeared in theatres, and while I was reluctant to go, my friends pleaded and the promise of seeing Darth Vader on the big screen one final time certainly did appeal to me. So I went.

I laughed, I cried, but not at the times you wanted me to. At first I laughed because it was so bad, then I cried for the same reason. Look what you had done to my beloved Star Wars. And the ten seconds of Darth Vader couldn’t overshadow this mess. I lost hope, and there is no new hope on the horizon. When you announced Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, I didn’t even care anymore.

So while you were my childhood hero, I’m sorry to say that I’m moving on. I hear the Lord of the Rings is nice.